Hey. Football season is over now. I decided to come up with my top ten favorite things I’ve learned from watching countless hours of men running around in tight pants. I’m betting I’ve watched more football this season than most of you! I’m serious. This year the NFL Sunday Ticket from Direct TV was purchased. I paid for that so I watched the hell out of it. I learned quite a bit about football. Serioulsy. I did! So what have really learned?…
#10– I learned what “downs” are and how you obtain more of those elusive first downs. For many seasons this concept has eluded me. Something upstairs clicked and now I can count more downs than you can shake a stick at!
#9– I learned that Rex Ryan is a creepy creepy man. He made a foot fetish video. I don’t know why…but yesterday I searched for it on youtube. I regretted it.
#8– I learned that Maurkice Pouncey of the Pittsburgh Steelers has the cutest little name in the NFL. *pounce pounce*
#7– I learned that at any given moment Ed Hochuli is going to bust out of his shirt. check out those guns!
#6– I learned that Troy Polumalo IS Punxsutawney Phil. No lie.
#5– I learned that Mike Tomlin, head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, does not know how to dress himself. Come on! Someone tell him to stop wearing those khaki pants with his black shirt.
#4– I learned more about Jimmy Johnson’s naughty bits than I really wanted to know…
#3– I learned that quarterback, Sam Bradford, of the St. Louis Ram’s has only purchased a ping pong table with his NFL earnings.
#2– I learned that many will try, but no will ever have the lucious locks like Troy Polumalo.
#1– And the #1 thing I’ve learned from the NFL this season? Brett Farve just can’t keep his pants on. A sexting scandal and this. I would just like to ask Mr. Farve….Why you walkin’ ’round with your pants on the ground?!